


The Top 5 Times Ryuji Sakamoto Fell Into a Lake

by vivvav



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 03:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30082497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivvav/pseuds/vivvav
Summary: Ryuji gets wet. A lot.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Niijima Makoto, Niijima Makoto/Persona 5 Protagonist, Sakamoto Ryuji/Togo Hifumi, Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 9
Kudos: 67





	The Top 5 Times Ryuji Sakamoto Fell Into a Lake

**Author's Note:**

> Or pond, or river, or any body of water, really. "Lake" just makes a snappier title.

**#5: May 2028**

Ren tried not to think about the press too much. Dealing with them was an unavoidable part of being a member of the Diet, but he really tried to avoid courting them as little as possible. But Yoshida had told him that he wasn’t making enough of a splash in his first term as a representative, and advised he do some kind of public stunt to get people talking about him. Of course, Ren didn’t want to do something hollow, if he was going to get folks talking, he was going to get them talking about something that mattered. And so he came up with what people were calling “Dirty Job Day”, though whether that was a good or bad thing varied by the person who was saying it.

A lot of the older members of the House of Representatives thought it was ridiculous. The idea was to hold a big city-wide beautification initiative for one day. He was encouraging people to volunteer to clean up natural areas throughout the entire Tokyo metropolitan area, but the big stunt was that Tokyo’s own representatives would participate in the clean up all day long too. Ren hadn’t gotten every representative from all of Tokyo’s districts to participate, but he did get more than half with some help from Yoshida, who was also participating as Tokyo’s governor. So now here Ren was in Suginami, helping to clean up the Kanda River with a bunch of volunteers, not to mention the members of his own staff, the security team included. Some of the bodyguards grumbled a little about having to pick up trash, but for the most part Ren’s staff understood the importance of the clean-up, especially Ryuji.

Honestly, Ren was never more glad to have Ryuji on the job than this moment. Sure, his bodyguard services were invaluable, but with the necessary evil of the press surrounding him, it was just nice to have his best friend there to lighten the mood. Ren and Ryuji shot the shit as they cleaned up near each other. They cracked jokes and traded little quips about the press when they were out of a reporter’s earshot. At one point Ryuji pointed out a tabloid photographer who was always harassing Hifumi and Ren spotted a torn-off cover from an issue of that reporter’s magazine on the ground, spearing it and lifting it up a little higher than usual. It took everything Ryuji had to hold back his laughter as all the other photographers took extra pictures of Representative Amamiya picking up another bit of trash while the tabloid photographer had to stop shooting as they realized how bad their own magazine being the trash would look.

A couple hours had passed and Ren and Ryuji were both ready for the lunch break, stretching out their backs after a lot of bending over and wiping the sweat from their brows.

“Man, who figured there’d be so much trash along the river?” Ryuji asked. “Don’t we have all those different garbage laws for a reason?”

“I think those garbage laws might be part of why people do it” Ren said. “Who wants to think about what you’re gonna do with that empty coffee can when you’re on the way home from work?”

“So they just toss it wherever? Dicks.”

“It’s hard to be mad at any one of them, but when it all adds up, yeah.”

Just as Ren and Ryuji were about to step away from the river, a group of reporters swarmed them, asking Ren questions about his publicity stunt. As Ren answered their questions as briefly as he could, Ryuji did what he could to get the crowd to spread out and give Ren some breathing room. As Ren spoke about wanting to show that nobody is above putting in the work to make Japan nicer in the small ways, Ryuji noticed a shifty-eyed older man about 20 feet in the distance. The man pulled out a gun and pointed it at Ren. Ryuji jumped in the way, getting hit in the chest and falling into the river.

“RYUJI!” Ren hit the ground and reached into the part of the water starting to show some red, not caring about the assailant who still had a weapon trained on him. Ryuji’s arm popped up from beneath the water and grabbed the walkway, pulling his upper body up onto land. A bit of red was smeared on his shirt.

“Whoa, take it easy!” Ren tried to pull the rest of Ryuji out of the water. “You just got shot, you shouldn’t exert-“

“Dude, I’m fine.” Ryuji pointed to the area where he got shot. His shirt didn’t even have a hole in it. “I think it’s one of those weird foreign guns that shoot balls of paint.”

“Paint?” Ren looked over at the shooter, ducking their second shot. This time he could see something yellow flying over his head. “Why is someone shooting paint at me?”

“STAND STILL, YOU DOG OF NO-GOOD TORA!”

Well, that explained it. Everyone knew that Ren was Yoshida’s apprentice, and when Yoshida was exonerated in the eyes of the public, some people refused to believe he was innocent. People who hated Yoshida also tended to hate Ren, and the ones that still believed in the myth of ‘No-Good Tora’ tended to be the most fanatic.

“Great.” Ryuji rose to his feet. “Another nutjob. Should I go kick his ass?”

“I think we’re good.” Ren watched as a couple cops showed up to grab the unskilled sniper.

“LET ME GO!” The shooter tried to struggle, but couldn’t escape the cops’ hold. “HE’S ONLY PRETENDING TO BE CLEAN! I’LL MAKE YOU ALL SEE HOW DIRTY HIS KIND REALLY ARE!”

“What an asshole” Ryuji said. “So, lunch?”

“For me, sure.” Ren looked Ryuji up and down. “You’re soaked and covered in river germs. Why don’t you go home early and shower?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

* * *

**#4: June 2016**

“C’mon, Takamaki! Quit dragging your feet and lift those knees!”

“Slow doooowwn…” Ann whined. “You know I’m not as fast as you, Ryuji!”

This was the fourth time that Ann had enlisted Ryuji’s help in getting her to workout so she could get modeling gigs again. Until now, they’d done everything at the gym, and it was going pretty well. When it came to weights and stretches, Ann was legitimately doing the best she could. Sure, she complained that Ryuji was overworking her even when he was going easy on her, but he could always get her to do those last few sit-ups, curls, or squats. But when it came to cardio, she was a total wuss. Ann never complained harder than when Ryuji tried to make her run, blaming the treadmills for her troubles. No matter what speed it was set at, Ann claimed that running on a treadmill felt unnatural, so Ryuji proposed taking her out for a run on regular ground somewhere she’d feel more comfortable, and the two of them settled on Inokashira Park. But now that they were in the park, Ann wasn’t performing any better that she did at the gym, and they had barely even gotten started.

“I ain’t goin’ fast!” Ryuji yelled back. “This is just jogging! And we’ve only been at it a few minutes!”

“Well that’s longer than I’m used to! Quit running ahead of me!”

“Alright, fine!” Ryuji stopped jogging and sat on the narrow fence by the pond, waiting for Ann to catch up. “This is pretty pathetic, though. How the hell do you keep up with us in the Metaverse when you get tired this quick in the real world?”

“That’s… not… fair” Ann panted as she caught up, leaning over with her hands on her knees. “You know we can all do stuff we can’t do in the real world. If Ren could run and jump like that all the time that do you think he’d have been arrested in the first place?”

“Huh. I never thought about it like that.” Ryuji shook his head. “But this ain’t about Ren, this is about you. Do you even wanna get into good shape?”

“For your information, I’m already in good shape!” Ann stood up straight and huffed. “I just wanna get in great shape, is all.”

“Uh-huh. Well you ain’t gonna get there by giving up so quick.”

“Running’s hard for me, ok? Can’t you make it easier?”

“This is already easy as I can make it. If we went any slower than this it’d just be a walk in the park.”

“Well that sounds nice! Maybe we can start there and work up to real running!”

“But then you’re not pushin’ yourself! You gotta take this seriously!”

“I am taking it seriously! So be nicer to me already!” Ann gave Ryuji an exaggerated pout. “You’re never gonna get a girl to like you if you treat her like this, you know.”

“I ain’t tryin’ to get you to like me, so quit sayin’ shit like that!” Ryuji took a deep breath to calm himself down. “Ok, let’s try this another way. Maybe your low energy is ‘cause of your diet. Did you eat breakfast today?”

“Of course!”

“Alright, what’d you eat?”

“Scrambled eggs!”

“And that’s it?” Ryuji cocked his eyebrow. “Nothin’ else?”

“Well, I had a parfait.”

“Uh…” Ryuji racked his brain trying to remember what that was. He’d heard of it before but the details were unclear. He was pretty sure it was sweet though, especially knowing Ann. “Ain’t that some kinda dessert thing?”

“It can be, but it can also be healthy. Mine was made of yogurt, granola, and berries.”

“Yogurt and berries, huh? So it’s light?”

“Yeah, pretty light! But really tasty too!”

“Alright, that all sounds pretty good.” Too good to be true. Ann was just a little too enthusiastic about her breakfast. Ryuji leaned forward and started looking Ann up and down closely, searching for any sign of what she was hiding from him. “Anything else?”

“Nope!” Ann was sweating, and not just from the exercise she was doing earlier. There was a slightly nervous tone to her voice now too. “Well, I had some coffee too, but ever since we started going to Leblanc I just don’t care as much for the coffee I have at home anymore. I should buy some beans from Boss or something!”

“If you say so…” Ryuji’s eyes fell on a couple light brown stains on Ann’s shirt. They were too light to be coffee and didn’t look like a normal drink spill. Ryuji was pretty sure he knew what it was that Ann was hiding from him. “So, eggs, a par-fat-“

“‘Parfait.'"

“Right. Eggs, that par-thing, and coffee. That’s ALL you had for breakfast? You sure you’re not forgettin’ something?”

“Yup…” Ann’s eyes began to trail to the side. “Say, I think I’ve got my energy back. Maybe we could try moving agai-“

“So you’re tellin’ me that you were totally good with a light breakfast, and didn’t have a big honkin’ stack of pancakes that’s makin’ you full and tired right now?”

“Pancakes!? What!? Noooo…” Ann was completely unable to hide the lie with her face and turned her head away, which was an even bigger admission of guilt than her expression. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ryuji! You know I’m cutting back on-“

“So what you’re tellin’ me is that these spots on your shirt…” Ryuji poked one of the brown spots on Ann’s chest. It was sticky. “Ain’t syrup? ‘Cuz it sure feels like-“

Ryuji was suddenly punched in the face, which sent him tumbling ass over tea kettle over the wrong side of the fence. The last thing he heard before he landed in Inokashira Pond was:

“KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY BOOBS, YOU JERK!”

* * *

**#3: May 2017**

If Ryuji had to pick anywhere and anyone to be with, a ferry ride on Lake Kawaguchi with Yusuke would be far from his first choice. He still didn’t fully understand how it had happened. One second he was spotting Yusuke 100 yen for a pack of Jagariko while all the former Phantom Thieves were hanging out downtown, the next Yusuke was scanning a QR code on the cup and had won the special promotional sweepstakes for two free tickets for a boat ride. Yusuke began pondering who to take with him and Ryuji pointed out that since he had helped pay for the snack that he should get the second ticket. It’s not even that he wanted it, it’s just that Yusuke started asking everyone but him first, even Futaba, and Ryuji had already been pretty pissed lately about everyone disrespecting him. Enough of their friends had agreed that Yusuke should give Ryuji the ticket, and now here they were on a boat together.

Well, there were worse ways to spend the afternoon. Ryuji wasn’t much of a sightseeing guy, but even he could appreciate how cool it was to ride on the water around Mount Fuji. And Yusuke was having a blast, having brought an easel, canvas, and paints with him. The ferry ride was only about half an hour, not long enough for Yusuke to do one of his more detailed paintings, but that didn’t present a problem for Yusuke. He had recently discovered an old American TV show where a man with an afro taught a style of painting that anyone could do regardless of skill level, and found it charming enough to want to test the style for himself. But rather than following the soft-spoken painter in the video’s directions, he thought it would be more of a challenge to try and quickly capture Mount Fuji and the famous lake reflection of the upside-down “Sakasa Fuji” while witnessing their splendor from many angles.

“This is truly a splendid prize,” Yusuke said, “perhaps even more splendid than any contest winnings I’ve ever received.”

“Seriously, dude?” Ryuji rolled his eyes. “I mean, yeah, it’s nice and all, but the money’s way more important.”

“Yes, money’s all well and good for meeting our base needs, but can it buy a view like this?”

“Uh, yeah. It can. I saw the prices on the dock. These tours are pretty cheap.”

“That may be so, but there’s still something all the more fulfilling about having won the tickets instead of paying for them. Like how a meal always tastes better when it’s free.”

“I wouldn’t know” Ryuji groused. “Between the two of us, you’re the one always gettin’ all the free meals.”

“Ah, yes, that reminds me.” Yusuke put down his paintbrush and palette for a moment and turned to Ryuji, bowing to him. “Thank you for the 100 yen, Ryuji. I would not have had this opportunity without your generosity. From the bottom of my heart, please accept my sincerest gratitude.”

“Oh! Uh…” Ryuji rubbed the back of his head and grunted. It was hard to stay mad at Yusuke when he was being like this. “You’re welcome, dude. Glad you’re having a good time.”

“Oh, I am” Yusuke said as he rose. “And I hope you are as well. Please use this opportunity to take in the true beauty of the true mountain and Sakasa Fuji.” Yusuke stepped up to the ferry’s rail and framed the mountain and reflection with his fingers. “It’s a marvelous sight, is it not? The way the waters reflect not only the mountain, but the azure sky above. When these waters are still enough, it must surely look like Fuji and its reflection are one, a single landmass floating in the bright blue sky.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty cool, I guess.”

“More than cool. In the right conditions, the image is positively surreal!” Yusuke leaned forward over the ferry’s railing, trying to get a slightly closer look, framing the mountain’s reflection with his fingers. He didn’t notice that more of his weight was on the wrong side of the safety rail, not even as his feet started to leave the ship’s deck. Luckily, Ryuji noticed in time, grabbing Yusuke and pulling him away from the rail.

“Whew, that was a close one!” Ryuji leaned back against the rail himself. “You gotta be more careful, dude. You’re not gonna finish your painting in time if you fall in the lake, yeah?”

“I should say not. Thank you again, Ryuji.” Yusuke’s gaze shot to the side and he pointed out to the water, narrowly missing Ryuji as he swung his arm. “My goodness! Is that a red-flanked bluetail?”

“A what?”

“It’s a species of bird. I’ve heard that over a fourth of the bird species in Japan can be found around Mount Fuji, but it doesn’t usually take to the water, so what’s it- AH!” Yusuke’s still-pointing hand followed the bird as it lowered itself closer to the water, its reflection easier to see upon the lake’s surface. “What a fantastic sight!”

“Whoa, watch it!” Ryuji leaned back to dodge Yusuke’s hand, not realizing he’d overdone it until it was already too late to stop himself from going over the rail. “Are you TRYIN’ to poke my eye ou- OH SHIIIIIIIIT!”

Yusuke’s focus shifted from the bird as he heard a loud splash and looked at the water directly below him. After a moment, a familiar blob of yellow broke through the surface, Ryuji pounding his fist against the side of the boat as he caught his breath.

“Ryuji!” Yusuke called out. “Are you alright!? You didn’t hurt yourself did, you!?”

“I AIN’T HURT! JUST PISSED OFF!”

“What should I do!?”

“GET HELP, DUMBASS! TELL THEM THERE’S A MAN OVERBOARD!”

* * *

**#2: December 2036**

Sometimes Ryuji’s friends could be a real pain in the ass.

Ren and Ann had gone missing again, but Ryuji wasn’t worried about it. This was actually a pretty normal occurrence for them. If just one of them had gone missing individually he’d be concerned, but the two of them disappearing together meant that they were going on a junk food bender behind their partners’ backs. Ann had always had no control when it came to sweets, but Ren also had a problem with still trying to eat like a teenager even now in his middle age. These were habits that both Shiho and Makoto tried to discourage, and Ren and Ann’s attempts at gastric subterfuge had gotten more elaborate over the years as the loves of their lives got better at hunting them down and forcing them to stop. This time though, they’d really gone all out. They left their phones behind so they couldn’t be tracked and had somehow managed to avoid detection by both the paparazzi and normal people posting to social media, no small feat for two very well-known public figures. Makoto couldn’t even find them on any kind of traffic camera, and she had combed through all the spots Ren and Ann were likely to go within an hour of them leaving home.

Makoto and Shiho had one lead as to the gluttons’ location, but it wasn’t getting them anywhere. They were absolutely sure that Ann’s assistant Killian knew where she was. But he was also frustratingly loyal to Ann, and refused to crack under the pressure of either Makoto or Shiho, just repeating that he knew Ann was safe and so there was no need to worry or start a manhunt over and over again. Still, Makoto had never met somebody she couldn’t get to break after enough questioning, so she refused to give up. In the meantime, Ryuji had been forced to go hunting for Ren and Ann himself. He didn’t want to at first, figuring whatever goofy antics those two got up to on their own time was their business, but Makoto insisted that as Ren’s head of security it was his duty to find him if he was missing, no matter how benign he thought the situation may be. And while she knew she couldn’t justify mobilizing the police to search for Ren in this situation, Makoto could almost always convince Ryuji to do something with sound logic and a stern look.

So here Ryuji was, hunting down his best friends because they couldn’t control their cravings. Two full-grown adults, parents no less, a famous actress and a seasoned politician, sneaking around like dumb kids just so they could pig out. Well, Ryuji may not have been the brightest bulb in the bunch, but when you’ve known somebody for twenty years, you tend to pick up a thing or two about them. So while Ryuji may not have had a strategic mind like Ren’s, he knew what some moves Ren might pull would be. Hiding in plain sight, for one. There was no secret hidey-hole Ren or Ann had that their partners wouldn’t know about, so the two of them would have to be somewhere public. But they’d also go somewhere unusual to try and throw their usual pursuers off, probably a place where someone wouldn’t be expected to comfortably enjoy a meal. Of course, it couldn’t be somewhere too gross either, so it’s not like they’d be hiding in the sewer or a condemned building or anything. It wouldn’t be any of their friends’ homes, since all their friends knew better than to get mixed up in this bullshit. It probably wasn’t indoors at all, since Ryuji doubted most establishments would be cool with two people bringing in a ton of outside food and greedily wolfing it all down. And they’d probably be in disguises too, to help avoid being recognized. So it’d be some place public but not too public, where they could have a picnic somewhere that wasn’t necessarily a picnic spot, but was also nice enough to enjoy their meal. All of which led Ryuji to the fishing pond at Ichigaya, and one bizarre pair of “old men” with sunglasses, long white beards, and heavy coats which hid their figures, surrounded by fast food wrappers and empty chocolate boxes.

“Alright you two!” Ryuji stormed over to the pair. “The jig’s up! Get your lard-asses-in-progress off the ground, surrender the junk food, and go home to take your lumps!”

“Are you talking to us, young man?” the old man who was clearly Ann asked with an unconvincing voice.

“Don’t you try that crap on me, Ann!” Ryuji grabbed the fake beards and tore them off his friends’ faces, snapping the elastic strings that were keeping them on.

“I told you we shoulda glued them on” Ann grumbled to Ren.

“I didn’t want all that fake hair getting in my mouth while I was eating” Ren said. “Pulling down the beards makes it easier.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“HEY!” Ryuji snapped his fingers, as if his usual volume which was scaring the fish and drawing angry looks from the actual fishermen present wasn’t enough to grab Ren and Ann’s attention. “Up here, jackasses! Your little banquet is over! I’m callin’ your wives and tellin’ ‘em where you are.”

“Technically Shiho and I aren’t ma-“

“Like I care!” Ryuji pulled out his phone. “Can’t believe I have to put up with this bullshit. Running all around the city lookin’ for you two because you can’t just keep your promises and eat healthy.”

“Come on” Ann said as she slowly reached for her still-unfinished box of chocolates. Ryuji intercepted with his foot, sliding the box out of her reach. “What’s wrong with a little cheat day every now and then?”

“Your birthday was three weeks ago, and you used it as an excuse to have a cheat month!”

“Just calm down, Ryuji.” Ren’s eyes darted back and forth between a nearby carton of fries and Ryuji’s phone, trying to decide which he should try and make a grab for. “I get you’re mad because we inconvenienced you, and-“

“Damn right you inconvenienced me! I was supposed to be spendin’ the day with my family, and instead I’m gettin’ a call during OUR lunch from Makoto tellin’ me to find you having YOUR lunch!”

“Alright, alright. I give up.” Ren stood up slowly and put his hand on Ryuji’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ryuji. We’ve been acting immature.”

“Yeah…” Ann got up and put her hand on Ryuji’s shoulder. “We didn’t mean to make our relationship drama your problem. You go enjoy the day with Hifumi and your kids. Tell them we said hi.”

“You don’t have to deal with this anymore. We’ll go home and face the music.”

Before Ryuji could respond, his phone started ringing. He looked down and saw that the caller was Makoto. Ryuji held the phone up to Ren.

“Well, that’s the music” Ryuji said. “Ready to face it?”

Ren and Ann looked at each other and nodded. The two of them took a deep breath, looked at the phone, then Ryuji, and stepped forward, using their grip on his shoulders to pull him behind them as they moved, sending Ryuji down into the fishing pond.

“Quick!” Ann grabbed her unfinished box of chocolates. “Finish the food!”

“ARE YOU TWO EFFIN’ SERIOUS!?” Ryuji yelled as his upper body rose from the water.

“Sorry, Ryuji!” Ren shoved a fistful of fries into his mouth. “We’we godda ged id twoubwe adyway, so we mighd as weww edshoy id whiwe we cad!”

“YOU TWO ARE SO DEAD WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE!”

* * *

**#1: April 2023**

Haru never did anything less than go all-out with her celebrations. From that first Phantom Thieves victory party together at Destinyland (that ended on a sour note but had been very enjoyable up until that) to renting out hotel ballrooms for New Year’s Eve, a Haru Okumura party was always ritzy and never understated. So when Haru wanted to celebrate Cafe Noir being in business for one full year, all her friends knew that it would be a lot bigger than the little get-togethers they’d had in her cafe.

None of them expected it to be on a yacht. Haru’s closest friends had known her for over six years and never heard her mention a yacht once. And yet, here everyone was on what Haru was calling a “coffee cruise”, all of Haru’s friends and a handful of her favorite regulars enjoying coffee, conversation, and spirits not on the usual Cafe Noir menu. Ren and Morgana were catching up with each other now that they no longer lived together. Iwai was introducing a bunch of old retired yakuza pals who’d started frequenting Haru’s cafe to Kaoru while Makoto kept a close eye on the group. Ann was trying to get Futaba to stop goading Shiho into a drinking contest, knowing Futaba just wanted to see the legendary lightweight for herself. Yusuke watched intently as Haru showed Sojiro the strides she’d made in latte art, a skill the older coffee slinger never had much use for. And Hifumi found herself engaged in a literary discussion with Sae and a few college students who frequented Cafe Noir that Haru had taken a liking to.

The only person on their own was Ryuji. Instead of talking to anyone, he’d been wandering around the yacht’s deck for the past few minutes, taking in the view of Tokyo Bay from every angle. Ryuji’s hand was in his pocket the whole time, fingering the small box he’d brought with him. He had already been planning to propose to Hifumi that night, but now that he’d wound up on a party on a boat on pretty short notice, he figured he might as well try to make it a little more romantic. The sun was almost fully down, and while Ryuji initially wanted to propose during sunset, he just hadn’t found a view he was happy with. Ryuji had never been the type to worry about the perfect engagement. The closest thing he’d had to a plan was to take Hifumi out for ramen and pop the question, but he also knew better than to waste this opportunity. An opportunity he was pretty sure he was letting whiz by his head. But just as the sun set and Ryuji thought the moment had passed, he meandered back to the ship’s stern and found the perfect angle. He immediately ran off to grab Hifumi.

“…which is why almost no trial you see in a work of fiction is accurate” Sae said. “I’m convinced storytellers in general don’t actually know much about any subject they choose to write on.”

“I don’t agree with that” Hifumi said. “I can understand how you’d have that perspective as a lawyer, but that’s because the law is so dense and restrictive that representing it perfectly wouldn’t make for a very interesting story.”

“The law is plenty interesting!”

“I’m sure it is” Hifumi said nervously. In her friendship with Makoto she’d gotten used to her outbursts, but Sae Niijima was a different animal altogether. “But, you know, stories need to move at a certain pace, and be dramatic to keep the audience engaged, and-“

“Hey, there you are!” Ryuji appeared behind Hifumi and put his hands on her shoulders. “Can I talk to you alone, babe? There’s something I really wanna show you.”

“Sound important.” Hifumi rose from her chair and bowed to Sae slightly. “My apologies, we’ll have to continue this another time.” As Hifumi left, she was more than happy to let the college students face the bulk of Sae’s displeasure for her. She linked her arm with Ryuji’s and whispered “thank you” into his ear.

“Sounds like things were getting pretty heated over there” Ryuji said.

“It was growing… awkward. But never mind that. What do you want to show me?”

“Check this out.” Ryuji led Hifumi to the back of the ship, and the view of Tokyo’s skyline lit-up in the dark their distance from shore provided. “Ain’t it awesome!?”

“It’s a nice view, yes.” Hifumi didn’t have the same level of excitement that Ryuji did, but she’d been with him long enough to know why he liked it. “It’s funny. living in the city, we’re used to being surrounded by the tall buildings and lights. But getting some distance, seeing the bigger picture, it reminds you just how impressive Tokyo is.”

“Totally!” Ryuji put his arm around Hifumi. “And it’s like, romantic and shit too, right?”

“It certainly is.” Hifumi giggled and leaned against Ryuji. “So, you wanted to get away for a little romance?”

“Yeah. We’ve done a lotta stuff together, but I don’t think we’ve ever been on a boat.”

“We almost did, remember? When we were in Osaka and you wanted to go on that barbecue boat?”

“Oh yeah! But then that dude stole your purse and I had to chase him halfway across Dotenbori to get it back, so we missed the boat.”

“Yes, that was just one of many exciting afternoons we’ve had. Remember the time we met?”

“You mean when I had to fight those three guys?” Ryuji laughed. “Yeah, that was nuts. But not as nuts as the time we were swarmed by all those birds.”

“I’d take that again over that close call with that drunk driver.”

“At least that was quick. Remember that time we were walkin’ down the street and got caught in that Pride Parade? It took us forever to escape that crowd.”

“You know, none of these things used to happen before I met you.” Hifumi smirked at Ryuji. “It’s like you’re some kind of magnet for chaos. I’d probably be a lot safer without you around. Maybe we should break up.”

“Hey now…” Ryuji frowned at that. Even though he knew Hifumi was joking, it still hurt a little to hear those words. “You wouldn’t really leave me over a buncha weird stuff like that, would ya?”

“Well, it’s been nearly five years already…” Hifumi hugged Ryuji’s arm to reassure him that she didn’t mean it. “I think I’ll stick around a little longer to see what happens.”

“Or you could, uh, you know, stick around forever.”

“I don’t know, forever’s an awfully long time.” Hifumi traced her finger along Ryuji’s jaw and whispered in his ear. “Do you have a way to make it worth my while?”

“Uh…” Ryuji tried to stay focused. When Hifumi got really affectionate it tended to short-circuit his brain. He managed to keep his wits enough to pull the ring box out of his pocket and hold it up to her face. “How’s this?”

“Ryuji…” Hifumi dropped the sultry act immediately, her eyes wide as they could be. “Is this-“

“Yeah.” Ryuji opened the box. Inside was a slightly wavy platinum band with single big shining diamond on it. “Hifumi, will you marry me?”

“For real!?”

Hifumi held out her hand and Ryuji slipped the ring onto her finger. Within seconds, the two pulled each other into the most passionate kiss of their lives. Hifumi and Ryuji weren’t sure how long they’d been at it, both feeling like they had infinite breath up until the moment they were interrupted by Haru.

“Oh, there you two are” Haru called out as she approached from the distance. “I was wondering where you disappeared to. It’s just about time to test out my new blend and I want everyone there to-“ Haru blushed as she got close enough to see what an intimate scene she was intruding on. “Oh my! Am I interrupting a special moment?”

“Yes” Ryuji and Hifumi said at the same time.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll head back inside. You two feel free to join me when- AAAAH!” Haru spotted the ring on Hifumi’s finger and pointed at it. “IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS!?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji sighed. “We’re engaged.”

“Why do you suddenly sound upset?” Hifumi asked.

“Wait for it” Ryuji whispered.

“EVERYBODY!” Haru ran back towards the yacht’s cabin. “MONA-CHAN! REN-KUN! MAKO-CHAN! YUSUKE-KUN! FUTABA-CHAN!”

“Our moment’s over, isn’t it?” Hifumi asked.

“Yup” Ryuji said.

Haru returned moments later with the old Phantom Thieves gang in tow, all of them crowding Ryuji and Hifumi immediately.

“Congratulations, you two” Makoto said.

“It couldn’t happen to two better people.” Ren patted both Ryuji and Hifumi on the back. “Your future’s gonna be great.”

“Ryuji’s getting married!” Ann could barely close her jaw enough to speak. “I can hardly believe it.”

“I can’t believe at all” Morgana said. “Hifumi, is this monkey blackmailing you somehow? It would explain a lot.”

“Mweheheh.” Futaba pushed her glasses up her nose. “It’s a good thing she can’t understand you, Mona. Otherwise the Togo Queen would have a new catskin rug.”

“And what a wonderful ring” Yusuke said. “It’s perfectly symbolic of you as a pair. Ryuji’s slightly crooked simpleness and Hifumi’s beauty and brilliance, gracefully put together.”

“Yusuke-Kun, you really shouldn’t talk about Ryuji-Kun like that, especially during such an important event.” Haru leaned in to look closer at the ring. “But it is quite lovely, Ryuji-Kun. I hope you got it for a good price.”

“Ooh, I wanna see too.” Futaba pushed her way to the front of the crowd, her face practically pressed against Hifumi’s hand. She let out a whistle. “Holy cats, that’s some hunk of ice! Who knew Ryuji was doing so well for himself!?”

“That’s because it probably isn’t real diamond” Morgana mumbled under his breath.

“That’s enough of that” Ren mumbled back, shooting a glare at Morgana. “Can’t you turn it off for even five minutes?”

As everyone pressed closer to get a better look at the ring, Hifumi and Ryuji wound up backing against the yacht’s safety rail. All it took was one last unaware push from Ann to send Ryuji over the edge and into the water.

“Oops” Ann said.

“Haru, what do you have for retrieving people from the water?” Makoto asked.

“There’s a ladder that attaches to the rails for just this situation!” Haru ran off. “Help me get it, Mako-Chan!”

“God damn it” Ryuji said. “This shit happens to me way too often. I swear, when I get back up there, I’m gonna grab Ann and throw her-“

Ryuji was interrupted by a big splash right next to him. He turned towards its direction and saw Hifumi’s head popping out of the water.

“WHAT THE HELL!?” Ryuji pulled Hifumi closer to him and started kicking to keep both of them afloat. “Can’t those morons control themselves!? I can’t believe they pushed you overboard too!”

“They didn’t” Hifumi said. “I jumped.”

“Why’d you do that!?”

“It seemed like the best place to get some privacy.” Hifumi wrapped her arms around Ryuji and started kissing him again. The new fiancés kept at it until the ladder came down for them.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea like two years ago, but it was just a joke. Then I was going through old stuff and found it again and was like "ok but what if I could write this". It was originally seven times and not a top five list, but once I wrote the proposal scene I really didn't wanna keep writing and felt like I wanted to end the fic on a high note, so I shifted some stuff around. Made sure to keep in Hureno's idea about Ann being responsible for three of the incidents, though.


End file.
